by Emma Skeen
Detective Sergeant | Metropolitan Police Service

I am autistic.

I am a DS and have been a police officer for 23 years.

I wonder what you think when you hear this?

Please take some time to challenge your beliefs and to understand your own thinking, including possible unconscious/ conscious bias about autism. Do we ever know enough? I would suggest not.

I am autistic and am learning about autism all the time.

It’s complicated.

Did you know: we are ALL DIFFERENT.

If I generalise below, please be aware of this.

I have imaginative and different ways of solving problems and thinking.

I love solutions.

I love detail, facts and to learn.

I have special interests – reserved for people I trust.

I can remember conversations word for word.

I can remember all sort of facts and information.

I love routine, as this helps with predictability.

Learning something new for the first time is stressful, but once learn I will do it properly, correctly and to the rule of law.

I have an autistic love of language, which is likely to be very different to yours.

I struggle with others making assumptions about autism, being biased and talking for me.

[Generalisation alert!] Autistic people have their own language and we can often speak to each other without words, in our own way.

Being autistic can effect our sense of space in the universe. I bump into things often.

Autism can co-exist with other conditions which makes us even more wonderful. I also have ADHD and dyslexia.

Some of us may have alexithymia – I do. The signals in my brain don’t tell me I’m hungry or thirsty, and I suddenly feel sick.

I hear and feel minute noises all the time – meaning I hear the birds far away singing, and I do not filter out unnecessary noises, including your conversations. I need less bright light to see well. I am sensitive to smells. I don’t like being touched as this is reserved for people I trust. Eye contact is painful. Your hand gestures and facial expressions cause me confusion. These things cause me to become overwhelmed as my sensory system is overwhelmed. I get burnout. Please help if you see an autistic person struggling.

Telling me ‘we should be able to discuss these things’ or to ‘read between the lines’ is meaningless as there is no context, explanation or detail. I think in moving and still images.

I love my own space.

I love animals – they are less complicated than humans, which suits me just fine. I am highly empathetic. This means I need to take time out after helping others so I can decompress and look after myself. For 23 years in the police service I had no idea I needed this. I am so determined.

I was asked recently why I struggle to work in a bright huge open plan office (when people are talking loudly about non-work related topics near me), but I could go on a noisy crowded plane on holiday to Disneyland in Florida for two weeks.

I’ve been told my way of working is wrong, that I don’t have insight or can’t forsee things. This is NOT true. I may be slow to respond as I need time to process. Please check my understanding and don’t point hands or get too close. I’m trying to process.

A plea to all line managers supporting autistic colleagues: The Equality Act 2010 is LAW whereas our policies at work are just policies. Please understand and make use of adjusted duties and disability passports, and allow their voices to be heard.

I use earplugs, headphones and wear sunglasses. I struggle when I am interrupted whilst working.

Please encourage your colleagues to take breaks in a quiet dimly lit safe space to recharge.

The ‘double empathy problem‘: please can I ask you to consider meaningful two way communication with me as an autistic person. Being autistic is who I am. Being autistic is my personality. I shouldn’t have to make all the concessions when communicating with you, or explain myself to you all the time – we both should. It’s too much for me. Please don’t judge my reactions, lack of facial expressions, the sound of my voice or assume you know what I am trying to say when random unclear words pop out of my mouth when I’m getting flustered by our interaction. Please can we discuss it? Please can you give me time to respond? Please challenge yourself if you find you experience negative/bias with me or any autistic person. If you have not heard of the double empathy concept, I implore you to learn more.

I have decided to no longer ‘mask’, and instead embrace being autistic. I love being with other autistic people. I would really like to work well with you too. I have hope that each of you in the MPS can hear me. I wish you well. ∎

This blog was originally published on the Metropolitan Police Service Intranet – it is reproduced here with kind permission of the author